a review of "Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog"

Why My Third Husband Will be a Dog- The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman by Lisa Scottoline
(St.Martin's Press, ISBN 978-0-312-58748-2)

For many, especially we fans of crime and mystery novels, the name Lisa Scottoline will no doubt be familiar. The author of over a dozen best selling, award winning legal thrillers, always set in the Philadelphia area and populated by such great characters as Mary DiNunzio and Bennie Rosato, Ms. Scottoline has another writing outlet that you may not be familiar with. For years she has been the author of a weekly column in the Sunday Philadelphia Inquirer, a column called Chick Wit. And happily, 70 of those columns have now been collected in this book Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog, a title which both explains how fond she is of her menagerie of dogs, large and small (not to mention the cats and the pony..oh, and the chickens) and now unfond she is of her two ex-husbands. Or as she refers to them, Thing One and Thing Two.

Ms. Scottoline's essays are often very funny, at times quite touching but always, always someone you can relate to.
She and I share the love of many things, including bacon, "the meth of meat", Tom Colicchio and large, furry doggies. And books, oh yes, books...

"UnResolution Number Seven. I buy too many books. I love to read and have hundreds of books overflowing my bookshelves and stacked high on my dining room table, in piles. I love living around books, and reading is like traveling without baggage claim. Who needs a dining room anyway?
So maybe now you understand why I am single."

Which may not always be a bad thing...

"...all I am saying is that fact you live alone doesn't necessarily mean you're lonely. It means you're free to wear hats to bed."

Especially timely in this holiday season is her view on shopping.

"In the beginning, God created the Internet and shopping online. I was an early believer. Where shopping is involved, I get in on the ground floor, especially if I don't have to move from my chair. Shopping online was like having somebody bring you brownies and stuff them in your mouth.
in other words, impossible to resist."

You will meet the 'characters' that populate her real life, Mother "Earthquake" Mary, Brother Frank, Daughter Francesca, and BFF's Franca and Laura, all tied into, one way or another, some very amusing stories. Her mother, all 4'11" of her, resides most of the year in South Florida with Lisa's gay brother, and is what I would call a pistol. When she shows up in a column, you know you will be laughing shortly. To mention just a few of the life lessons she got from her mother,

"If you load the knives into the dishwasher pointy tip up, you’ll fall on them and impale yourself. Also you’ll go blind from reading without enough light. Reading in general ruins your eyes. If you eat baked beans from a can that has dents, you die of botulism. This was before people injected botulism into their faces. Nowadays, the dented can will kill you, but you’ll look young."

At times it is clear that her family may drive her crazy but it is also just as clear that she loves them fiercely. While they are often the source of a funny story, the person most commonly at the center of the joke is Ms. Scottoline herself.

Witty, a unique view of the world around her, not afraid to be the butt of her own jokes, all wrapped up with a wee dash of sarcasm, makes for a funny, entertaining collection. Get a copy for yourself and, especially if they are a fan of her fiction, a copy as a gift for friends or relatives. If you are feeling stressed, just whip out this book, read one or two of the 70 essays and I can assure you you will be feeling a little better and will most likely have a smile on your face. If not ROTFL.

My thanks to the folks at Amazon Vine for this book.

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